ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
