Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
