Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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