She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize