I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
