I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
