Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
