I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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