He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
