It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
