Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
