What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
