have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
