You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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