A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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