i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
