Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We're too hungover to prance.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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