My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
