You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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