Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize