i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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