my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
