what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
