y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
my liver is dry heaving
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