if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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