if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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