I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize