Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
