If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
