I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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