I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i drank out of a bidet.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
