She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
