Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I love having hate sex.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
