woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
