I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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