dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
