fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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