Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
