You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
