I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
17 year olds will be the death of me.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
