Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It's just like the Real World with babies
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
