I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The struggles of a small town man whore
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
