I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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