Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
why is half of my head shaved?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize