duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
