i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
