Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
