and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
