I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
