And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
