I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
