look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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