I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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