So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
