on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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