It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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