You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
