I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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