I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
