i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
