'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize