speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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