I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
