Kiss
Puke
She said her name was "party"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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