mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Im part way to drunk.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
