carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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