i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
