I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
