Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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