I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
