Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
