worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
