nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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